Every group has a Carl, so most should appreciate the expanded list.
Learn ‘em, live ‘em, laugh at ‘em don’t become Carl y’all
*Friendly fire – isn’t.
*Recoilless rifles – aren’t.
*Suppressive fires – won’t.
*You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.
*A sucking chest wound is Nature’s way of telling you to slow down.
*If it’s stupid but it works, it isn’t stupid.
*Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you.
*If at first you don’t succeed, call in an airstrike.
*If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short.
*Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
*Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself.
*Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
*If your attack is going really well, it’s an ambush.
*The enemy diversion you’re ignoring is their main attack.
*The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: When they’re ready or when you’re not.
*No PLAN ever survives initial contact.
*There is no such thing as a perfect plan.
*Five second fuzes always burn three seconds.
*There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.
*A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.
*The important things are always simple; the simple are always hard.
*The easy way is always mined.
*Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.
*Don’t look conspicuous; it draws fire. (For this reason, it is not at all uncommon for aircraft carriers to be known as bomb magnets.)
*Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.
*If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.
*When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too.
*Incoming fire has the right of way.
*No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.
*No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.
*If the enemy is within range, so are you.
*The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
*Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren’t.
*Things that must work together, can’t be carried to the field that way.
*Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support. Corollary: Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially during both.
*Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.
*Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won’t be able to get out.
*Tracers work both ways.
*If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will get more than your fair share of objectives to take.
*When both sides are convinced they’re about to lose, they’re both right.
*Professional soldiers are predictable; the world is full of dangerous amateurs.
*Military Intelligence is a contradiction.
*Fortify your front; you’ll get your rear shot up.
*Weather ain’t neutral.
*If you can’t remember, the Claymore is pointed towards you.
*Air defense motto: shoot ’em down; sort ’em out on the ground.
*‘Flies high, it dies; low and slow, it’ll go.
*The Cavalry doesn’t always come to the rescue.
*Napalm is an area support weapon.
*Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
*B-52s are the ultimate close support weapon.
*Sniper’s motto: reach out and touch someone.
*Killing for peace is like screwing for virginity.
*The one item you need is always in short supply.
*Interchangeable parts aren’t.
*It’s not the one with your name on it; it’s the one addressed “to whom it may concern” you’ve got to think about.
*When in doubt, empty your magazine.
*The side with the simplest uniforms wins.
*Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps.
*If the Platoon Sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
*Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep.
*The most dangerous thing in the world is a
Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass.
*Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan.
*Everything always works in your HQ, everything always fails in the Colonel’s HQ.
*The enemy never watches until you make a mistake.
*One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many.
*A clean (and dry) set of BDU’s is a magnet for mud and rain.
*The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.
*Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss. Whenever you are low on ammo, you can’t hit the broad side of a barn.
*The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it away to be repaired.
*The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon’s operator.
*Field experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
*No matter which way you have to march, it’s always uphill.
*If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove anything.
*For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. (in boot camp)
*Airstrikes always overshoot the target, artillery always falls short.
*When reviewing the radio frequencies that you just wrote down, the most important ones are always illegible.
*Those who hesitate under fire usually do not end up KIA or WIA.
*The tough part about being an officer is that the troops don’t know what they want, but they know for certain what they don’t want.
*To steal information from a person is called plagiarism. To steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence.
*The weapon that usually jams when you need it the most is the M60.
*The perfect officer for the job will transfer in the day after that billet is filled by someone else.
*When you have sufficient supplies & ammo, the enemy takes 2 weeks to attack.When you are low on supplies & ammo the enemy decides to attack that night.
*The newest and least experienced soldier will usually win the Medal of Honor.
*A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
*Murphy was a grunt.
*Beer Math –> 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases.
*Body count Math –> 3 guerrillas plus 1 probable plus 2 pigs equals 37 enemies killed in action.
*The bursting radius of a hand grenade is always one foot greater than your jumping range.
*All-weather close air support doesn’t work in bad weather.
*The combat worth of a unit is inversely proportional to the smartness of its outfit and appearance.
*The crucial round is a dud.
*Every command which can be misunderstood, will be.
*There is no such place as a convenient foxhole.
*Don’t ever be the first, don’t ever be the last and don’t ever volunteer to do anything.
*If your positions are firmly set and you are prepared to take the enemy assault on, he will bypass you.
*If your ambush is properly set, the enemy won’t walk into it.
*If your flank march is going well, the enemy expects you to outflank him.
*Density of fire increases proportionally to the curiousness of the target.
*Odd objects attract fire – never lurk behind one.
*The more stupid the leader is, the more important missions he is ordered to carry out.
*The self-importance of a superior is inversely proportional to his position in the hierarchy (as is his deviousness and mischievousness).
*There is always a way, and it usually doesn’t work.
*Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the General is watching.
*The enemy never monitors your radio frequency until you broadcast on an unsecured channel.
*Whenever you drop your equipment in a fire-fight, your ammo and grenades always fall the farthest away, and your canteen always lands at your feet.
*As soon as you are served hot chow in the field, it rains.
*Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.
*The seriousness of a wound (in a fire-fight) is inversely proportional to the distance to any form of cover.
*Walking point = sniper bait.
*Your bivouac for the night is the spot where you got tired of marching that day.
*If only one solution can be found for a field problem, then it is usually a stupid solution.
*All or any of the above combined.
113 is a pretty expansive list but it covers pretty much everything.